How do we know how to do this???

     It's really weird how "most" of us are sort of hard wired to be parents. How on earth do we know what we are doing? I know we get a lot of advice from mom's who have been through this before us.. but going back to the beginning of time, how did anyone know what to do?!? I remember when Winny had her puppies a few years ago... I found her underneath Jason's parents bed having puppies! OMG what an experience that was! Her first puppy passed away, and she knew it so she didn't want anything to do with it, but she was so calm about it! Here's me and Jennie, sitting in front of an oven, with this tiny little thing wrapped in a towel rubbing it back and forth trying to get it to wake up, bawling our eyes out!!! Josh is on the phone with the vet, I'm yelling to them to send someone over to help us because we're killing her puppies because we have no idea what we are doing! lol - in retrospect, that part was actually kind of funny - But Winny delivered 5 puppies, pretty much all by herself, and she instantly knew what to do with them! How??

      The day I went into labor I remember feeling absolutely terrified.  I'm not supposed to be a MOM. Mom's are like a special breed of person, they are selfless, and kind, they are there to kiss the boo boo's and wipe away the tears. "Mom" is probably the last thing anyone would think of when they thought of me. 
     Growing up I was a big tom boy. Always 'one of the guys'. I even got involved in archery, which is a predominantly male sport. As I grew up, and grew out of that phase a little bit, I hit college and those were 4 of the most interesting years of my life up till now thats for sure.  My last semester of college was by far the best... that's when I met Jason. It's weird to say, but I instantly knew when I met him that I was supposed to be with him.  He's amazing in every sense of the word and I knew from that point on that there was no more searching... he was it for me. No questions asked. 
     I always knew I wanted kids, but honestly, who would've thought of me as being the 'motherly' type? No one. And I actually think that is partially coming back to haunt me, because I'm not sure if people really think I have it in me. But truth be told, I would do anything for my little girl.     

Fast forward to December 20, 2010 - That whole day is now kind of a blur, but going back to my original frame of thought of how we know what to do ... when the nurse told me it was time to push, it was weird, because I somehow just knew how to do that. Have I ever done it before? nope. But I somehow knew exactly how to do it. And from the moment she was born, although it has definitely been a learning experience, I always somehow just know what to do.  She can't tell me when she's tired, or hot, or cold, or if her stomach hurts.. but she gives me little signs to tell me. We have our own little language, which makes it a little easier for me. I never would have thought that I'd be able to keep this little thing alive but I guess that's what we are supposed to do, so God gives us the tools to do it. Whether or not we know that we have the tools, we don't find out until we need them. 
     


     One of the things I think scares me the most about motherhood, is that I don't have my own mom here with me to help me. Maybe that's why I haven't found this to be as hard as I always thought it would be, because my mom is right here with me, whispering instructions from heaven right into my ear. Now she's hungry Ash... She needs her diaper changed Ash...  Thanks Mom <3